The Need for Radio Silence
I use to stress when I didn’t post on schedule when I ran my last blog. However, my last blog was also run like a business and the burn out was constant. My workload has not changed, as back then, I still am in charge of all things kids in this house and its upkeep, add and take a few things here and there so the potential for burnout is always looming. What has changed, my priorities.
The positive side of singledom is the extra alone time every other weekend. It was hard at first. There were moments I refused to sit down because the silence would hit me harder than a ton of bricks. The idea of not having my kids around 24/7 proved to be the hardest in all of this. Some weekends it still hits me hard and by Sunday morning I am counting down the hours. But never the less, I do take advantage of the alone time, now more than ever.
The kids are in a million activities and this morning my daughter asked if she could sign up for one more. I’ve become an Uber to their social and activity calendar but as long as they are happy, who cares if I am half dead right? It is hard to try to enjoy the art of slow living when your to-do list keeps growing. Ain’t got the damn time to live slow! So we make do even if it means I write less but what about me time?
Once my boys are in bed, I wiggle into my daughter’s bedroom to ensure she does her required 20-30 minutes of daily reading with my own book in hand. I’ve been struggling to find time to finish a -should-be-hard-to-put-down book because I had no choice but to actually put it down. At night, I skip the mindless scrolling on Instagram in exchange for catching up on my Netflix shows on my iPad from the comfort of my own bed, that is of course when it isn’t being invaded by tiny bodies. I’m happy to announce, my old(er) behind is in bed before 11 and get a full eight hours most nights. Best sleep I have had in years to be honest. On the weekends that they are away, since work has been slow, I have been catching up on the to-do list I made when I first moved into this place four years ago and started to revisit early on in 2017. Some rooms are actually almost done. Shocking, I know. So what about this blog? Well, the news comes as they come. I’ve been working on the same piece since March. It has been hard to write, delete, revised, rewritten a few times. Each time a memory is triggered, I add it in. Every time my perspective changes, I alter it. But every time I am done, I am left more emotionally exhausted than the last time. Writing about things you love is always easy, writing your truths require putting in the work. It requires for me to take advantage of the quiet weekends and sit in the silence so that one day, some day, my story could be told. Until then, I’m working on enjoying the silence.
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