This is where we make promises about a better self, about trying new things, getting healthy and at the end of the day it is all bullshit. I said, what I said. Fight me.
I am not making resolutions this year. I do not need that type of pressure. It is stressful and my anxiety cannot handle it. I get cranky and then I eat all the snacks then my kids are mad at me for eating said snacks and then I get mad at them for not getting a job that pays for the snacks. I know, crazy cycle. Instead, I made a list of things I did in 2018 that really helped me, things I tried for the first time, and things I started that I would like to do more of.
Get Away More
In 2018, I went away on the weekends. I went camping a lot. It was peaceful and I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. I got to think a little less, read a little more, visit small towns, mainly driving distances like in Indiana, Wisconsin, or Illinois. And I told no one because…
Not every move you make needs to be published. I stopped taking pictures of the meals, the outfits, checking in on social media so that everyone thought I was having a good time. I simply put my phone away and actually had a good time. I savored every moment and while I do have plenty of photos, they live in a photo album that I can look at whenever I want and not this time next year when Facebook memories reminds me. Also, I was once asked if my phone was more entertaining. I refuse to take it out now anytime I am with someone because they deserve the respect that comes with my undivided attention. Best thing I have ever done.
Try New Foods
I tried a lot of new food spots. Some completely delicious holes in the wall where I sat at the bar watching a Cubs game and others in which I wore my fanciest heels and tried Oysters Rockefeller. I got to try new recipes from my Pinterest boards and my picky little minions actually ate it, though I cannot take full credit for their new found interest in trying new foods. We can thank withholding dessert and a little bribery. Works like a charm.
I went to a Goo Goo Dolls concert this past summer and while standing in line to grab a few drinks I was asked to dance. Nothing odd there except no one else was dancing. Yes, not so shy me got really shy but I did it anyway, laughing my behind off the entire time and guess what? That moment was the most fun I think I have had in over a decade. I also sang karaoke on a cold fall night sitting on the kitchen counter with an audience of one. I played like a child in the aisles at Walmart and nearly died of laughter. I enjoyed the freedom so much that I completely forgot about a stage in the grieving process of my own divorce. I skipped anger completely and became simply indifferent. In fact, it was in these moments I realized it was the betrayal that blessed me. For the first time since I could remember, I felt comfortable being in my own skin and not hiding it when I got home. I was me in every moment.
I also want to share this piece from Modern Brown Girl about self-love and accountability because that hit my soul. Such a powerful piece and something to think about this year.